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The Five Stages of Hayfever
The annual ritual
Hayfever’s on the rise in the UK with a fifth of the population suffering. Given that us Brits love to complain about our weather be it too hot, too cold, too wet or too windy, hayfever is just another string to add to our weather-related bow.
Here are the five stages of hayfever, as told by a Brit who’s been whinging about it since 2003.
Stage 1 - Remember Hayfever Exists
March rocks up with its flowers, beautiful skies and increasingly longer days. The sun sets in the actual evening rather than the afternoon. You start getting excited about summer, that collective hallucination we British engage in each year.
You start looking up potential summer holiday destinations. You find your flip flops hiding in the back of the wardrobe and bring them out to the front, preparing for the first hint of warmth and sunshine. Then you notice plants are beginning to develop seeds. You remember that flowers are pretty in the same way psychopaths are charming — it’s a mask hiding a near-invisible danger.
2. Deny You’ll Get Hayfever This Year
People grow out of hayfever right? This year, it’ll be you. Your body must be used to it by now, it must know that pollen isn’t actually bad for…
