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Ignoring Anxiety is Not the Solution
I had a panic attack on film
I could feel something going wrong halfway through a take. We’d been rehearsing for hours and nothing was going right. And now we were only on the second take and my body was no longer my own.
I’ve only had one panic attack before, exactly eleven years ago to the day. I didn’t know what it was at the time, I just thought I was dying.
But this time was worse.
Because I was cable-tied to chair in a freezing cold room and there were two cameras rolling, a schedule to catch up with and an immense amount of pressure.
And then I realised I was having panic attack.
I felt tingling in my fingers and could no longer move them. My chest constricted and I knew I was hyperventilating. But my character was also supposed to be panicking, so a small part of me thought ‘well at least this will look great on camera’.
The scene was long and every minute that ticked by felt like a minute closer to blackout. I had to shout my lines just to get my lips to form the words properly.
I knew the second the director shouted ‘cut’ I would have to say what was happening. But then I remembered my wrists and ankles were cable-tied to a chair. It was a bad time to have a meltdown.
